the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
