This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
