Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
