turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
