Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
