Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
