So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
