This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
