I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I pour the whiskey from now on
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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