to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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