Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
