Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
