i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
