all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
