I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
