im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She announced her abortion via fbk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
