Midget sex pt 2 tonight
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I puked a lego.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize