never play flip cup with pint glasses
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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