Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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