i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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