Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
