my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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