I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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