so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
