im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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