i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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