dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
