you would pick up someone in the library
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
