At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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