why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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