Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
