mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize