I puked a lego.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
