I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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