Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
