I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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