the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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