the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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