I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Houston, we have a squirter
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
