And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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