You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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