just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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