does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
