so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
