listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
