Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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