I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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