At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize