im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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