Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
