we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
