maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
