Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
