I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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