She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
