I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
