i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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