I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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