i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
