and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
