I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
