At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize