I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
