cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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