Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
