You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
