forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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