it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
