You smell like a Billy Joel song
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
