Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
